4984 The Beer Scooter Revealed

[LEFT]THE BEER SCOOTER REVEALED [/LEFT]

How many times have you woken up after a hard night's drinking and
thought 'How on earth did I get home?' As hard as you try, you cannot piece
together your return journey from the pub to your house. The answer is the
beer scooter.

The beer scooter is a mythical form of transport, owned and leased to
the drunk by Bacchus the Roman god of wine. Bacchus has acquired a large
batch of these magical devices. The beer scooter works in the following
fashion.

The passenger reaches a certain level of drunkenness and the
"slurring gland" begins to give off a pheromone. Bacchus or one of his many
sub-contractors detects this pheromone and sends down a winged beer scooter

The beer scooter scoops up the passenger and deposits them in their
bedroom via a Trans Dimensional Portal. This is not cheap to run, so a large
portion of the passenger's in-pocket cash is taken out as payment. This
answers the second question "How did I spend so much money?'

Unfortunately beer scooters have a poor safety record and are thought
to be responsible for over 90% of all UDI (Unidentified Drinking Injuries).

An undocumented feature of the beer scooter is the destruction of
time segments during the trip. The nature of Trans Dimensional Portals is
that time will be lost, seemingly unaccounted for. This answers the third
question after a night out" What the hell happened?'

With good intentions, Bacchus opted for the REMIT ( Removal of
Embarrassing Moments In Time) add on, that automatically removes, in
descending order, those parts in time regretted most. Unfortunately one
persons REMIT is not necessarily the REMIT of another and quite often lost
time is regained in discussions over a period of time.

Independent studies have shown that "Beer Goggles" often cause the
scooter's navigational systems to malfunction thus sending the passenger to
the wrong bedroom, often with horrific consequences.

With recent models including a GPS, Bacchus made an investment in a
scooter drive through chain specializing in half eaten kebabs and pizza crusts.
Another question answered.

For the family man, Beer Scooters come equipped with flowers picked
from other peoples gardens and"Thump-a-lot- boots" (Patent Pending).
These boots are designed in a way that no matter how quietly you tip
toe up the stairs, you are sure to wake up your other half.
Special anti-gravity springs ensure that you bump into every wall in the
house and the CTSGS (Coffee Table Seeking Guidance System)
explains the bruised shins.

The final add on Bacchus saw fit to invest in for some scooters is
the TAS ( Tobacco Absorption System ). This explains how one person can
apparently get through 260 Marlboro Lights in a single night.

PS:
Don't forget the onboard heater, which allows you get home in sub zero
temperatures in only a T Shirt.